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  • BlackMoon Lillith

Behind First Time Again


I had been daydreaming about a certain someone I had not seen since I was 19 or so, and wondering what might happen if we unexpectedly reconnected. Would the same attractions be there? Would I be remembered with fondness the same way I still remembered him? Could a new relationship grow against the backdrop of the entangled lives of two seasoned seniors?

Those questions intrigued me, so I decided to creatively revisit the Colorado village that had been pivotal in my own coming of age. This result is what flowed out of my fingertips on the keyboard as I continued to daydream what fun and challenges we might have.


First Time Again is the first work of fiction written under the pen name BlackMoon Lillith. Being a novice at fiction, I wasn't certain I wanted my real name attached in case it was truly awful.

And to be honest, given that there are a few scenes of sexual pleasure in this novella, I was nervous about the reaction I'd get with such explicit description.

Most of all, I liked the idea of reclaiming the legendary Lillith of mythology and astrology who has been painted as the evil, disobedient, hyper-sexed first wife of Adam, or as a handmaiden to the Goddess Inanna, herself considered a sacred slut. My reconceptualization of Lillith is the fiercely independent and empowered single woman who is unashamed of being a sensual being well aware of her power to heal self and other through physical pleasure.


As a woman of a certain age, I must admit to being, at times, something of a closet romantic. No matter how many times love has failed me, or I it, part of me can't help wanting to believe that ideal partnerships can exist. They just take some prerequisites like intention to be all in, capacity to be fully emotionally present, willingness to listen, curiosity about what delights and fulfills one's partner, and the self-awareness to recognize needs and boundaries. All of this takes more than a dollop of relationship maintenance, which few people intuitively know how to engage in productively, and which we are seldom taught.

Nancy and Vic have learned what doesn't work from past relationships. As they rediscover each other, will they be able to put those lessons into practice? Download this digital novella and find out!

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