Is It Just a Phase, or Is It a Transformation?
My tolerance for interacting with humans has always run in cycles. Occasionally I enjoy socializing, but usually I prefer solitude. Working from home, the need for social interaction has been met by a healthy stream of clients, and an active social media presence. But lately I find myself much less interested than I used to be in keeping up with friends and acquaintances on Facebook, and less motivated to market for new clients.
Whereas I use to plan an online teaching schedule to span an entire year, and put a lot of time into marketing my services and workshops, I find myself uninterested in spreading knowledge, provoking enlightenment, or chasing leads right now. Instead, I'm content to create an uplifting space to live in, and contemplate what to do with my retirement years.
In part, I think, this shift is coming from a release of some of my core psychological needs -- the need to be heard, the need to feel like I'm making a difference, the need to be viewed as a credible person.
This framing of myself as response-able seems to be in flux. Oh to be sure, I'm still able to respond, and still probably overloaded with the respons-ible genes. The question is whether I'm willing. And the answer lately is, no, not really, not so much.
This challenges my self-concept as a human doing or light-shiner of sorts, not to mention that it threatens my professional branding as a helpful resource.
The former therapist in me wonders if I'm depressed. The spiritual adviser in me suggests it's more likely I'm in a life-stage transition, and that this is part of sliding into acceptance of becoming an elder in retirement. The teacher in me knows that these conditions are not mutually exclusive -- one does not rule out the other.
It could be that I'm morphing into a human Being.
That's a little scary.
But it does seem like the (second?) perfect time of life to give that a try.